Lost: “Cabin Fever”

May 9, 2008 – 2:12 am by Jimmy Aquino

I’m going to keep it short because I’m preoccupied with another project at the moment, plus this episode is so remarkable I’ve been rendered speechless. It even resurrected my favorite recurring Lost catchphrase, “Don’t tell me what I can’t do!” That line is to Locke the one-time preemie/ex-paraplegic/perennial outcast what “B.A.D.: Balls, Attitude, Direction” was to an asthmatic Nicolas Cage in the Kiss of Death remake.

Okay, I’m not quite speechless, but I feel like I’ve run out of words to say about the Locke-centric “Cabin Fever.”

(Spoilers after the jump)

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What Would Jesus Do?

May 7, 2008 – 12:23 pm by Michael Gant

Just coincidentally, but maybe not, the documentary Inside a Cult about the Strong City sect of New Mexico airs tonight (May 7) at 10pm on the National Geographic channel—the same day that the AP reports that New Mexico officials have arrested the leader of the apocalyptic coffee klatch. Turns out that leader Michael Travesser (nee Wayne Bent, how perfect is that?), age 66, is being held on three counts of criminal sexual contact with a minor. Turns out, as discussed in the film, that Travesser/Bent, who says he is the Messiah and dresses in sack-cloth robes straight out of a Be Kind Rewind remake of The King of Kings, claims that God has told him to lie down with the wives of his followers and to have young girls get nude in his bed. Why is it that these fringe religious types always decide that the first commandment is a little one-way wife-swapping with the acolytes? Is this really what Jesus would do?

Margaret Seltzer: the girl Herbert Kornfeld

May 3, 2008 – 5:46 pm by RvB

Watch this video and and lament. The girl in question is Margaret Seltzer, who sold a memoir about her hardcore gang banger life in South LA; convinced the New York Times she was a hcgb/in South L.A., and then was exposed as a big fat faker from the San Fernando Valley. Here she is telling us about how it is out there: did you know the homies don’t consider themselves Americans, they think of themselves as South LA gangbangers first?” It’s hard out here for a chimp (you ain’t knowin)/riding through the skies in a blimp/When Alfred Knopf come knocking on the door/and you got no prose and you poor…”

Lost: “Something Nice Back Home”

May 2, 2008 – 3:15 am by Jimmy Aquino

On Tuesday’s American Idol, Paula Abdul revealed she’s a time traveler when she gave Jason Castro her critique of a performance he hadn’t done yet.

There could only be one explanation for that and other instances of erratic behavior.

She’s been exposed to electromagnetic radiation, and it’s caused her to become unstuck in time and utter creepy, incoherent comments.

The A.V. Club jokes that Jason Castro is her constant, but I think we know who her constant really is.

Yep. Just stay in touch with Skat Kat, Paula, and he’ll help you get through American Idol’s never-ending commercial breaks time rifts.

Speaking of constants, I saw an interesting theory somewhere on the Web last week about why Ben Linus can’t kill his nemesis Charles Widmore (Alan Dale)—maybe Widmore is Ben’s constant. If so, it would make their feud even more interesting and complicated. Ben wants the bastard to die, but he can’t survive without him.

(Spoilers after the jump)

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Up in the Sky—It’s Iron Man!

May 1, 2008 – 5:13 pm by Michael Gant

Tonight’s the night, and Robert Downey Jr. is apparently on the verge of a total career redemption, thanks to Iron Man. The initial review are good, better than good. Here’s what Richard von Busack had to say in his review on Metroactive.com (hot off the presses, if that image has any meaning in cyberspace). 

Nathan Lee, former young person, on cinema

April 28, 2008 – 9:31 pm by RvB

Critic Nathan Lee’s exit interview from the Village Voice/New Times demonstrates what a unique writer just got pink-slipped. Like many of the laid-off, he makes the point that he’s got lots of company. He suggests it’s the way of the world in a culture that doesn’t value arts writing, that most film writing isn’t very useful, and that there are more and better opportunities out there in cyberspace. The people that speculated that Lee got the sack for putting Southland Tales at the top of his best of 2007 list are wrong, but it does look like Lee is still being barbecued for that choice. He had better eyesight than most of that film’s critics, in that he could see Richard Kelly’s intentions through the mess that was onscreen. I do have to argue with Lee on a couple of points. One, that Anthony Lane “doesn’t know shit about movies.” There are many occasions where Lane would rather show off his erudition than deal with the subject at hand, but when you have that much erudition to show … There are essays all through Nobody’s Perfect to demonstrate how much Lane indeed knows about movies. However, like most New Yorker critics since Pauline Kael went (and Kael had her severe blind spots of course), Lane looks at cultural phenomena just like the magazine’s mascot, Eustice Tilly, looks at a butterfly: through a monocle. The interview mentions Lee’s review of Rivette’s Duchess of Langeais—good piece, but it also gets caught in a Lane-style erudition trap: most of the review is about the source book. I hardly blame the critic. Too bad Lee’s cheese-paring bosses at the Voice couldn’t have given him the kind of space that the writers had in the old days, where Lee could have expanded on his thoughts to some 2000 words. Finally, what bothers me about this interview is the ax-grinding against the older generation of critics versus the newer ones, of which Lee counts himself. The high-school year book photo Lee uses is obviously a little old. Lee also tiptoes around the matter of his background, wanting to keep it “shrouded in mystery.” Or is he just concealing his age? He identifies Ed Gonzales, Scott Foundas (a genuinely exciting younger critic) and Wesley Morris as part of his generation, but Morris, I’m certain, is on the other side of trustable age of 30. I hate to see this kind of ageism thrown around, particularly from someone who praises an old party like Rivette.

Javier Bardem Is Count Chocula

April 28, 2008 – 10:09 am by RvB

I love satire and I couldn’t wait to grow up and satirize everything under the sun, including the sun (that big overstuffed gasbag) and get paid for it, and go to the store and wait for the cashier to say, “So what line of work you in, buddy,” and I could say “Satire! I’m in the satire game! Just put the groceries in my Miata!”But I never thought that Cracked would amount to much. Let’s face it, this is a magazine that was a pimple on the hindquarters of Alfred E. Neuman. Weird then, that Cracked.com is capable of stuff such as this: admittedly, it’s the readers and not the staffers who cooked it up.  

The KKK Took My Baby Away

April 26, 2008 – 10:07 am by RvB

Only 10 shopping days until Free Comic Book Day May 3. One of the free comics to be given away is a reprint of one of them dangerous EC comics that turned a generation into juvenile delinquents in the 1950s. The last story in the free sampler is from 1953: Wally (the incomparable) Wood, Bill Gaines and Al Feldstein’s “Under Cover,” a piece on the evils of a thinly disguised KKK.

So naturally I had to check to see if the KKK has a website, and yes they do, with memorabilia and T-shirts for sale. Happily, we are apprised that it is a Christian website with nothing to offend the holy. The first few levels of T-shirts are innocent enough, with the Stars and Bars on them, urging us to conclude “it’s heritage not hate”—I thought it was heritage AND hate, it’s not like they’re mutually contradictory. If you stick with it you get to the more alarming stuff, including a T-shirt showing a group of dunce-capped marauders silhouetted in front of a fiery cross over the motto: “The Orginal Boyz n the Hood.” As EC comics used to put it, “Good Lord … Choke!” Have a look, so you can join me on the FBI list of people who visited this site…

Lost: “The Shape of Things to Come”

April 25, 2008 – 5:02 am by Jimmy Aquino

Welcome back, smoke monster. We missed you. Oh yeah, and we missed you too, show.

When we last left Lost in March:

-Alex (current Maroon 5 video chick Tania Raymonde), her boo Karl (Blake Bashoff) and the mother she just recently discovered, Danielle Rousseau (Mira Furlan), were ambushed while hiding from the freighties.

-Ben ordered his spy on Charles Widmore’s freighter—a suicidal, in-over-his-head Michael—to sabotage the radio room equipment and the engines to prevent the vessel from reaching the island.

(Spoilers after the jump)

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Revenge! Revenge for Juno!!

April 24, 2008 – 8:06 pm by RvB

Juno what, homeskillet? The Juno backlash is finally taking over, and we were here first! Most recently, this script from the resurgent Cracked.com (”Crimson River Abortion Clinic, may I help you?” “Whoa, whoa, whoa, I don’t think you heard me. I’m talking on a HAMBURGER PHONE! How zany is that!”) This parody script also makes the good point that the father of a newly pregnant 16-year-old tends to blow up in fury. And that reminds me of a beloved joke from Tony Soprano’s part of New Jersey: In kindergarten, the teacher asks the class to define what the word “beautiful” is. One child says, “My kitten has beautiful eyes.” The teacher approves. Another says that flowers are beautiful, and another that her mommy’s face is very beautiful. Good so far. And then one rather shabby child raises her hand and says, “Having a baby is beautiful.”"That’s so true,” the teacher answers. “How did you know that one?”"Because last night my sister told my dad she was having a baby, and he said, “Oh, that’s beautiful, that’s $%&*&)+ beautiful.” Moving right along (thanks for the tipoff Steve P.), there’s also this sketch from Mad TV, which is sticking around at You Tube courtesy of Fox Searchlight, the company that released this irritating movie in the first place ….