Proving that its eye is on the little, insignificant things, such as the waxy pieces of litter wrapping a piece of bubble gum, The Onion is never one to ignore the continuing saga of Bazooka Joe. True, the comic has gone downhill, but the stunning surprise episode revealed in this week’s Onion is signalled by this screaming headline: BURNED LOWER HALF OF MORT’S FACE REVEALED IN ‘BAZOOKA JOE’ STUNNER. Turns out what seemed to be an ordinary case of someone concealing their mouth under their turtleneck (or their nose, the better to sniff for telltale bodily odors?) turned out more Haloweeny than we guessed. No link, unfortunately, but the four-color horror is in the Oct. 30-Nov. 5 issue, page 4. Some 50 words will have to take the place of the picture: “Bazooka Joe has always been about mankind’s search for meaning in a world marked by pain,” says staff artist Martin Shore…” Sure, the sight of Mort’s charred and blackened jaw may shock some of our readers, but maybe they should be shoicked. Maybe it’s time they woke up and realized the true, unrelenting nightmare that is our very existence.” Film adaptation coming up soon, perhaps by Zack Snyder. I want Jake Gyllenhaal for the role of Pesty.