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Best Nickname for Santa Cruz

How the world sees us is echoed
in what we call ourself

By Kelly Lurker

Okay, I'll admit it. I live for opportunities to gore this self-righteous ox of a city. Don't get me wrong--I love my hometown. I put in enough time down in Southern California (where the bland lead the blond) to hug every redwood tree and treasure every little fruitcake, nutcase and bone-headed politico that shares my city limits. But, seriously,is any town more ripe to have some hot air let out of its far-too-inflated sense of self? Whether elevating a damn clown to sainthood or being a near-parody of political correctness that has brought screams of laughter from the likes of Rush Limbaugh, Santa Cruz is like the fat, dumb kid in fourth grade who never understands why the big kids love to pick on him.

But, boy, you think I'm harsh, you should read some of these nicknames you all submitted for this burg. They range from the vitriolic--Satan Cruz, Crapitola by the Shit, Bunghole and Troll Alley--to the merely insensitive: Santa Clueless, PC City, Granola City and Touch 'n' Feel Ville. And then there were others that, well, you figure it out: Tanta, Any Graveyard and Cumalot. Cumalot? Speak for yourself, pal.

Okay, okay, we actually do have some gentle (Pollyanna-types, if you ask me) readers who submitted kinder names like Santa Cool, Heaven and Scruz, which tied with The Cruz for the Goldies Bronze Medal. Apparently, we have a fair number of transplants from L.A., who figure that if initials work for their big, stinky, smoggy city, then it should work for us. Hence, S.C. is our Silver Medal winner. But, it turns out, what the real cool jerks call this town is Surf City, a clear Gold Medal winner.

And, one more time--why do the bullies pick on us? Asking for the best nickname for Santa Cruz, we got, not one, but three submissions saying "Santa Cruz."

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From the March 14-20, 1996 issue of Metro Santa Cruz

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Copyright © 1996 Metro Publishing, Inc.

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