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Best Silly Ordinances

Ranting about the demented
doings at City Hall

By Kelly Luker

It's not surprising, in a town that has hatched such stellar councilmembers and mayors over the years such as we have come to know and love (and mock), that we'd be just a little richer than most in senseless, annoying and, as we called them in the survey, silly local ordinances. An animal lover was incensed over the duck-feeding repression, while an animal (of the male human variety) brays about being denied his God-given rights to topless bars. The requisite number of druggies fumed and snorted over those silly drug laws.

And, speaking of fumes, a Giorgio (or is it an Obsession?) wearer railed against the perfume-free ordinance. Some beautiful people found the so-called "looks law"--where I gotta hire you no matter what you look like--an affront. At least a few smokers got all choked up over the no-smoking regulations, and yet more animal lovers snapped and yapped about the Pacific Garden Mall ban on dogs.

However, not being allowed to plop yourself down on the sidewalk galled enough readers to win the Bronze Medal, while the teen curfew fried plenty too, taking the Silver Medal. And wouldn't you know it--Mr. Twister was a one-man consciousness-raising campaign this year, pushing the ordinance that makes it illegal to feed parking meters to the coveted Gold Medal winner circle.

However, my special reader award goes to whoever voted "no outdoor clotheslines in Scotts Valley" a silly ordinance. Hey, move to Dogpatch, babe, if you don't like it.

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From the date-date, 1996 issue of Metro Santa Cruz

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Copyright © 1996 Metro Publishing, Inc.


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