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Hell Yeah, I Want Some War Bonds!: If they're good enough for Charlie Sheen, they're good enough for me!


Hazardous Materials?

Following last week's piece about "pro-war flyers," Nüz found one such posting which read "Doing all you can, brother?" near the office. Closer inspection revealed the tag "hazmat1203" in the bottom left-hand corner, apparently a reference to the group responsible, but in any case a cute little bit of cyberchic.

So is this really some kind of fascist groove thang we don't need, or the work of artsy-fartsy anarchists? Let's go to the fine print:

"Hazmat is not concerned with symptoms. We focus on f**king with the assumptions that allow government and corporations to undermine human rights and freedoms. We try to provide people the tools to take control of their lives and the institutions that wield control over them, we try to wake people up, snap them out of their soporific stupor, and goad them into being living, breathing, thinking humans again. We are throwing gasoline on the blaze of human consciousness, and maybe in time, remains of modern society."

Well, it got Nüz thinking all right, mainly about whether most people are going to get any intended irony, especially since the neo-Nazis have been claiming this iconography for years. But whatever fringe they're on, you can surely email them at [email protected] to find out how Nüz is just a cog in the fascist/corporate/ Communist/extraterrestrial machine.

Tall Men Always Win

Last week, Nüz spent some time with Sam Farr's new press secretary, the fresh-faced Sarah Rosen, who while visiting Santa Cruz for the first time shared insider tales of what's up going on in Washington in the wake of the 2002 election.

It seems that running up there with impending war and a crippling budget deficit in the current legislative priorities is, well, office space. Returning members of Congress conduct an in-house raffle to see who gets what office, after which newly elected members have their own raffle to divvy up what space is left.

Apparently, there were sharp intakes of Democratic breath when the first name out of the "Newly Elected" raffle bag was none other than Republican Katherine Harris.

Readers may recall that it was Harris who single-handedly inspired a line of "Katherine Harris Sucks" T-shirts--not to mention a NAACP lawsuit--for stopping hand recounts during the 2000 election when she was Florida's Sec of State.

Still, with Trent Lott's shit hitting the Republican fan big time, Dems have reportedly cheered up no end, and Al Gore's "Get me outta here!" announcement has set off a Democratic buzz, though no one's yet sure which buzz will blossom into a full-blown 2004 presidential campaign.

"Without Sept. 11, Bush would have faded into obscurity, because he never received the mandate of the people," observed Rosen, noting that Sen. John Kerry is a strong contender, "even if he is a little stiff."

"And there's Sen. John Edwards. He doesn't have as much experience as the others, but he is very young, cute, and a total outsider. And then there's Howard Dean, who has the distinction of having governed the state of Vermont."

In Rosen's opinion, Joe Lieberman and Dick Gephardt don't stand a chance, while Tom Daschle is too short.

"Tall men win the presidential nomination--and historically the candidate with the closet ties to the British monarchy wins."

Guess we'll all eventually be able to see whether Rosen's theories, er, measure up. Meanwhile, keep writing, emailing and phoning Farr's office with your concerns.

Know Your Rights

Wondering what happened to your legal rights following Sept. 11, 2001 and the USA Patriot Act? Nüz thought you might like this pocket-sized list for Christmas, which you can handily whip out and consult any time Homeland Security hazzles you.

Freedom From Unreasonable Searches: Government may search and seize Americans' papers and effects without probable cause to assist terror investigation.

Right to a Speedy and Public Trial: Government may jail Americans indefinitely without a trial.

Right to Liberty: Americans may be jailed without being charged or being able to confront witnesses against them.

Freedom of Association: Government may monitor religious and political institutions without suspecting criminal activity to assist terror investigation.

Freedom of Information: Government has closed once-public immigration hearings, has secretly detained hundreds of people without charges, and has encouraged bureaucrats to resist public records requests.

Freedom of Speech: Government may prosecute librarians or keepers of any other records if they tell anyone that the government subpoenaed information related to a terror investigation.

Right to Legal Representation: Government may monitor federal prison jail house conversations between attorneys and clients, and deny lawyers to Americans accused of crimes.

Alternatively, you might just want to kiss your ass goodbye the minute those Homeland homeboys show up at your door.

Slammin' Santa

As it turns out, Santa may be in jail for Christmas. Peace activist and former Icelandic presidential candidate Thor Magnusson, known to the Icelandic people as Santa Claus for his Santa Peaceflights to war-torn countries, has been summoned to Reykjavik to face demands he do three years inside.

Magnusson was arrested Nov. 22 after he sent fan email warning that Icelandic passenger planes are being exposed--as targets, and to terrorist activity--following a U.S. agreement with NATO to place IcelandAir and Air Atlanta passenger aircraft on standby to transport weapons and troops, even as early war is waged on Iraq.

The arrest and the shift of policy from a nation of peace with ancient democratic tradition and no military services to a stated intent to participate in military aggression has led to protests by thousands of scholars, peace activists and organizations.

Reportedly, Icelandic government offices have blocked email deliveries and Peace 2000 Internet access has been shut off for several days. Peace 2000 believes this is because it organized the first Western flight through the no-fly zone to Baghdad, flying Santa with almost 100,000 Christmas gifts, food and medical supplies to Iraq in Christmas 1997 under a special authorization from the U.N. Security Council.

Nüz just loves juicy tips: Drop a line to 115 Cooper St, Santa Cruz, 95060, email us at , or call our hotline at 457.9000, ext 214.

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From the December 25-31, 2002 issue of Metro Santa Cruz.

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