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Excerpted from 'Words Fail Us: The Best Quotations of 2000' by Larry Engelmann

January

"I don't believe in time. After all, we invented the calendar. Nature's looking down saying, 'Millennium what? What are you talking about?'"
--Rod Steiger (San Francisco Chronicle, January 5, 2000)

"To be the best governor I can be, to continue being devoted to my family and to not do Playboy interviews."
--Governor Jesse Ventura of Minnesota on his New Year's resolutions (Newsweek, January 10, 2000)

"One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures."
--Gov. George W. Bush (U.S. News & World Report, January 3, 2000)

"I intend to eliminate terriers."
--George W. Bush on his determination to knock down tariffs and trade barriers (San Jose Mercury News, January 29, 2000)

February

"'Bad hair' negatively influences self-esteem, brings out social insecurities, and causes people to concentrate on the negative aspects of themselves."
--Yale University psychology professor Marianne LaFrance, in a study titled: "The Psychological, Interpersonal and Social Effects of Bad Hair," paid for by Procter & Gamble (Newsweek, February 7, 2000)

"Being British will help you get nominated, but it will not help you win unless you are pretending to be British."
--Actor Eric Idle describing the "Gwyneth Paltrow rule" of the Academy Awards (San Francisco Chronicle, February 18, 2000)

"That great sucking sound you hear is the sound of the media's lips coming off of John McCain's ..."
--Marvin Bush, George W.'s brother, before cutting off his comments to reporters, following McCain's win in the New Hampshire primary (U.S. News & World Report, February 21, 2000)

"You've got to dare to suck in order to be great."
--Ricky Martin (San Francisco Chronicle, February 28, 2000)

March

"There's no magic formula. We stayed home, we stayed in the word of God, we stayed in bed. ... Each time you make love, that person feels forgiven and you feel restored and loved again."
--Kathie Lee Gifford, on how her marriage to Frank Gifford was saved after he admitted to an extramarital affair (Us, March 27, 2000)

"Let's face it: The teeth are getting more and more British every day. I look in the mirror and see Austin Powers staring at me."
--Hugh Grant, on his smile (Us, March 27, 2000)

"The media coverage of the universities is extremely athletic in emphasis. If Martians came down from space and watched television, they would conclude that universities are sports organizations."
--Ralph Nader (Spartan Daily, San Jose California State University, March 15, 2000)

"Motown, Motown, that's my era. Those are my people."
--Hillary Clinton during an interview with a Manhattan hip-hop radio station (Newsweek, March 20, 2000)

"I'm extremely good-natured. Gosh darn it, I just really care about people! And all's I ever wanted was to be loved."
--Johnny Rotten, the former Sex Pistol (New York Times Magazine, March 12, 2000)

April

"Being in a state of nudity' is not an inherently expressive condition."
--Sandra Day O'Connor, Supreme Court Justice, in a ruling that upholds a ban on nude dancing (Time, April 10, 2000)

"If you can't think of anything to say, just implement my vision."
--Governor Gray Davis, speaking to 15 state legislators who were supposed to speak for a few minutes each about public transportation at a political gathering in San Jose, California (San Francisco Chronicle, April 7, 2000)

"If the people of [Minnesota] can put a wrestler in office, I don't see what's wrong with the people in Wisconsin electing an Elvis impersonator."
--Phillips, Wis., mayoral candidate Elvis Aaron Presley on his electoral chances (Newsweek, April 10, 2000)

"If they don't kill him, I think they'll hurt him really badly."
--David Duchovny, when asked if he thinks Mulder will be killed off if he doesn't return to the X-Files next season (Entertainment Weekly, April 21, 2000)

"It's sedentary life; it's an isolated life."
--Justice Clarence Thomas on his life and times inside the Supreme Court (U.S. News & World Report, April 24, 2000)

May

"Entrepreneurs in Silicon Valley--if their sperm had landed in Papua, New Guinea, where would they be today? They would have a lock on the abacus industry, but that's about as far as they could go."
--Paul Newman (Esquire, May 2000)

"People all over the world recognize me as a spiritual leader."
--Steven Seagal, on his Buddhist faith (Us, April 17, 2000)

"He said, 'I want to play an alcoholic, drug-addicted pornographer.' And I said, ' I've been rehearsing for this part for 20 years."
--Charlie Sheen, about his brother Emilio Estevez, casting him in Rated X (Entertainment Weekly, May 26, 2000)

June

"I'll probably just vote whatever my mom or dad says."
--Britney Spears on choosing a presidential candidate (Rolling Stone, June 8, 2000)

"Having been called charismatically challenged myself, I have a lot of sympathy."
--Ex-President Gerald Ford on Vice President Al Gore (U.S. News & World Report, June 19, 2000)

"I hate turning 60. If I don't look in mirror, I'm 24. But 60--I have all those images from childhood. People who are 60 are just ... old."
--Ringo Starr (Us, June 19, 2000)

"The first thing people say to me is like, 'Wow, I thought you were gonna be a dick.' I've heard that so many times, though I'm probably one of the nicest people I've ever met--I'm very smart, very witty. I'm a little cocky, too. No one ever gets a gibe in at me. I'm too fast, too good with my mouth.
--Kid Rock (Newsweek, June 5, 2000)

"You don't have to be smart to make a lot of money. I would learn Spanish but, number one, I can't hear very well. And, number two, I'm not very smart. That's two strikes against me right there."
--Ted Turner (Us, June 26, 2000)

July

"The future has to be taking care of our co-species. How do we behave toward other species? Right now it's probably in the most brutalist way."
--Artist Peter Max on animal rights (U.S. News & World Report, July 24, 2000)

"This isn't about who can write the biggest check. I mean, no one, actually, can write a bigger check than me. The point is results. There are so many venture capitalists chasing dumb ideas, and philanthropists are just as bad. All they measure is what they have given rather than what the results are."
--Larry Ellison, founder and CEO of Oracle on why he gives on $100 million (of his estimated fortune of $50 billion) per year to charitable causes (Time, July 24, 2000)

"Never underestimate the power of corruption to rewrite history."
--Oliver Stone (San Jose Mercury News, July 16, 2000)

"I think the eyes are the windows to the soul. When my friends die, I often ask to have their eyeglasses."
--Tammy Faye Bakker Messner (San Francisco Chronicle, July 13, 2000)

"I can't afford to think about it. They're irreconcilable."
--Pete Townsend, 55, of the Who, on his earlier defiant vow to die before he gets old and the fact that he is still touring in his senior years and performing "My Generation," the song containing that line (San Francisco Chronicle, July 12, 2000)

"I think I would like to be a better dancer."
--Vice President Al Gore (U.S. News & World Report)

"Apple really does believe design is important. It's hard to name another area of human purchase where it's not--in cars, in houses, even in spouses! It's not the only consideration but it's a very important one."
--Steve Jobs, CEO and co-founder of Apple (Business Week, July 31, 2000)

August

"If you live with 58 lions and tigers, then you will always have a lot of pussy in the house."
--Siegfried of Siegried & Roy (Esquire, August 2000)

"That's the guy whose girlfriend was Marilyn Monroe."
--Sammy Sosa, after being told he'd tied Joe DiMaggio with his 361st home run (Sports Illustrated, August 24, 2000)

"It may be that if I hadn't been knocked down in the way I was and forced to come to grips with what I'd done and the consequences of it, in such an awful way, I might not ever have had to really deal with it a hundred percent."
--Bill Clinton explaining the advantages of bad things (San Jose Mercury News, August 11, 2000)

"Never, in times so complex and chaotic as these, have we faced two contenders who are so boring and insipid."
--Fidel Castro on George W. Bush and Al Gore (Time, August 21, 2000)

September

"Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?"
--George W. Bush (New Yorker, September 11, 2000)

"If elected president, I will make sure that the airlines give everybody leg room and hip room."
--Ralph Nader (U.S. News & World Report, September 25, 2000)

"It's not an everyday occurrence that you make a discovery like this."
--Australian fish-factory owner Peter Monson, after the grisly discovery of a "wholly intact" human head inside a large cod that was being prepared for sale (Far Eastern Economic Review, September 14, 2000)

October

"You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth."
--Rodney Dangerfield (Esquire, October 2000)

November

"I think a true performer is someone who can go out there and show sides of them that aren't really them."
--Britney Spears (YM, November 2000)

"No, you are a lunatic."
--J.K Rowling, author, recounting what she usually says to people who ask her if books are satanic. (Time, November 13, 2000)

December

"It gives me a chance to be around people who are younger then I am ... kind of keeps me going, gets my juices going."
--President Clinton, discussing retirement plans to be involved in the Internet. (U.S. News & World Report, December 4, 2000)

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From the December 29, 2000-January 3, 2001 issue of Metro, Silicon Valley's Weekly Newspaper.

Copyright © 2000 Metro Publishing Inc. Metroactive is affiliated with the Boulevards Network.

For more information about the San Jose/Silicon Valley area, visit sanjose.com.




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