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[whitespace] Margie Fernandes Margie Fernandes

Last seen: Eating peanuts at Ringling Bros. Circus. Absent for hearing on ethics complaint filed against her. Dropped out of mayoral race soon afterward. Police following leads that she is performing a stage show in thigh-high black boots, using the alias "Margie Matthews," in which a masked slave responds to the name "Pandori."

Chuck Gillingham Chuck Gillingham

Last seen: Campaigning for San Jose City Council, though never actually spotted walking precincts. Enjoys golfing, fishing, beating drums in the woods with his pals and speaking in incomplete sentences. Probably armed, but not dangerous.

Rod Diridon Sr. Rod Diridon Sr.

Last seen: Apparently still running obscure transportation think-tank for a public university in the West. Likes to hang around hobby shops and play with the choo-choos. Suffers from delusions of grandeur; known to boast of a plan to become president of the United States. Often heard cryptically mumbling, "I'll get you, Sabatino."

Patricia Dando Patricia Dando

Last seen: At the June primary in coral lipstick, peach-colored suit and kicky pumps. Not to be confused with person named "Pat Dando" who appeared on the November ballot. Likely whereabouts: Anywhere in the South Bay except Sunnyvale.

Schoennauer's mustache Schoennauer's mustache

Last seen: Swirling down a sink drain after being assaulted by a Gillette two-blade disposable razor. Suspected reason for disappearance: Two eyebrows are enough.

Tom McEnery Tom McEnery

Last seen: Ducking out of Dando election night party. Disappeared Wednesday Nov. 4. Approach subject with caution. Should be considered charming and disingenuous.

If you have information pertaining to the following missing individuals, please call 555-OOPS.

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From the December 31, 1998-January 6, 1999 issue of Metro.

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