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Pate in Pain

By Mark Ewert

I shave my head every day for that smooth, shiny look. The problem is, I must be holding the razor wrong or something because I nick the hell out of my skin and get all these scars, which I have to even more carefully shave around the next day. Yowch! What am I doing wrong?
Jake, email

Come again? Well, given that I've always believed in the principle of "humor the nutter with the razor blade," I guess I'll just go ahead and answer your question with all the seriousness it, uh, deserves. That's a good boy, Jake. Now put that razor down. ... All right, the card I drew for you is the Seven of Swords: mental self-sabotage. See, Jake, you WANT to be big, bald and beautiful--"smooth and shiny," as you so lyrically put it--but deep down you have a resistance to looking good, and so you cut your skin up. With gentle curiosity, ask yourself why you might not actually want to look good (fear of attracting attention, perhaps?). We always do things for a reason, and that reason is usually one kind of self-protection or another. Feeling safe and protected is good--scabby scalps, by and large, are not. Use your razor-sharp mind to come up with other ways of getting your needs met .

Mr. Ewert can be reached for professional card readings at 415.252.9321

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From the January 3, 2000 issue of the Metropolitan.

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