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No Box of Chocolates This: Good Vibrations caters to the adventuresome couple.

Endless Love

Same holiday, new sensations . . .

By Cory Feldman

Although Valentine's Day has become associated with obligatory flowers, chocolates and cheesy cards, the holiday is not without hope. So what if Hallmark cashes in on guilty, cheating husbands and workaholic wives? True celebrants can indulge in a night of passion that keeps going and going and going.

Good Vibrations is stocked with gifts to perk up any relationship. The store is discreet and not intimidating and the website (www.goodvibes.com) is even easier, as packages arrive wrapped in plain brown paper.

It's understandable if giving your girlfriend a vibrator seems self-defeating, but try remote-control vibrating underwear--and keep the remote in your control. Now that's romance!

As for girlfriends, Good Vibrations has assembled a special gift package for him. It's not that silk boxers wouldn't work again (after all, it is a different boyfriend), but why not buy something creative that lets him know his pleasure is just as important as yours? (Almost.)

Good Vibrations doesn't just specialize in breeder satisfaction. The toys, videos and books are omni-oriented. There's Bend-Over Boyfriend, a video for women wanting to penetrate their men. Can you name that orientation? It's not about defining your relationship, it's about getting that special someone off.

If you're without a date, you no longer have to wait for day-after Russell Stover sales to buy yourself a gift. Being unattached provides the perfect opportunity to get in touch with parts that have been out of touch, and there's a slew of self-satisfying presents that will do things a Gund never could. For a little tender loving care, the palm-sized T.L.C.--an overgrown latex pellet with a tip that simulates a thin, swift tongue--fits anywhere and, oh yeah, it vibrates. Other personal proffers include the right-angled vibrator, designed to once and for all prove the existence of the G-spot. Afterwards, instead of cuddling, you can put on sweat pants and sleep sideways, not alone, just independent.

If this sounds too much like single-female-affirming rhetoric, there's also the Flesh Light for men. It's housed in a silver, plastic canister shaped like an Armageddon-sized flashlight. Inside is feels-like-the-real-thing silicon in the form of a penetrable vagina. Now you can't beat that with a stick! (Pun intended.)

Good Vibrations also has a selection of books and videos to enhance, inspire and instruct even the self-avowed sexpert. And they can be especially useful if your significant other is significantly uninformed.

Every time a holiday rolls around, people shuffle through malls, credit cards poised for purchase, then complain about the commercialization of it all. This year, take back Valentine's Day. Kick Hallmark to the curb and give Cupid the propers he deserves. Celebrate love, sex and self-awareness, with or without a partner. Because no matter how blue you feel on the 14th or how red the roses are, it's all about love .

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From the February 7, 2000 issue of the Metropolitan.

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