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House of Cards

[whitespace] tarot Reading SF's Future

By Mark Ewert

By now I think most of us have heard that the dread some people experience when calendars change is nothing new. Christians in A.D. 999 fully expected plague-bearing comets plus the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse to snuff out the world in the year 1000; and in 1899, many Midwesterners lost their cool and went on "death-marches" rather than face the birth of our own completely harmless and fun-loving century. But maybe the crazies are on to something. I mean, just because they've been wrong before doesn't mean that they're always going to be wrong, does it? Maybe we really are doomed. But before we work ourselves into a superstitious frenzy, let's settle this matter once and for all, the scientific way. I'm breaking out my deck of tarot cards and seeing whether the Bay Area's going to fry or fiesta come Y2K. Ready?

Q. Will San Francisco fall into the ocean?

A. The Four of Swords--No.

tarot Q. Is everyone's computer going to crash?

A. The Emperor (reversed)--Only the people who think that theirs will; the rest of us will be fine. Let's put it this way. If you don't get spam on New Year's, you didn't make the cut.

Q. Wait a minute, now wait just a darn minute. Are you telling me that civilization is NOT going to collapse on January 1, 2000?

A. The Knight of Wands--In my deck, the dude's on a horse. So that probably means one of the Four Horsemen. Oh, come on, you guys, that's not so bad. We can totally whup one of them, right?

Mark Ewert is a professional card reader and can be reached for readings at 415/252-9321. To submit topical questions to House of Cards, email [email protected]. Book Bonus: To read Mark's true-life account of sleeping with William Burroughs at age 18, go to www.nerve.com

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From the March 15, 1999 issue of the Metropolitan.

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