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[whitespace] Tara

Tara's Advice

Tara's Farewell! We wish her luck!!

Dear Readers,
What a long strange trip it's been!

When you first read this column over two years ago, little did you know how drastically I would change your life. Back then, if anyone had asked you, "Have you any room in your heart for love?" you would have said no. But I was merciless. I did not respect your reservations. I came crashing into your pat little bourgeois existence like a bat out of hell, guiding the wrecking ball with my finger and saying, "This must go! And this! And this!" I demolished your trite certainties, and gave you NOTHING with which to replace them. I wore the ravening face of the hurricane, and did not ask for permission before I ate up your soul.

And yet, you came back. Issue after issue, you came back.

Oh yes, I seduced you. I admit it. I made this humble "Urbanities" feature so mind-blowingly hilarious that you had no CHOICE but to read me slavishly. Articles that demand to be clipped out and taped to the office refrigerator, emailed to friends in other cities, or just plain EXORCISED out of your system by whatever means necessary, even if it meant collaring a stranger on BART and telling her about "this side-splitting piece I just read!" Haunting, witty columns that were just so right. They somehow made you ask yourself, "Isn't that Tara something else? I mean, I know this is all just a big goof, but it's like she knows me."

And I did.

When I made you laugh about self-important DJs, was I not exposing your own pretentious suavitude? When we chortled together over the necessity of stopping, by murder if necessary, Cirque du Soleil, was I not addressing the dangers of your own everything-I-need-to-know-I-learned-in-kindergarten adult-child smugness? And finally, when I so brilliantly savaged "art-cars," and Burning Man in general, was I not holding up a mirror to your own Secret Face!? Readers, I've taken you as far as I can. From my point of view, working with you has been very, very trying, but the rewards were great. I look upon you and I see the shining promise of tomorrow. You no longer need a guru to guide you. For today, I say, you are the All That Is.

It's been real.

Can't get enough of Miss T? Well, check out her "Most Spiritual Show Ever," where you'll find new video adventures each week, and your video horoscope!

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From the April 3, 2000 issue of the Metropolitan.

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