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[whitespace] Miss Pinky Shears

From Miss Pinky Shears

The editors of this fine publication have taken curious measures to persuade me to share with you what has so quaintly been called my "unique views on fashion, style and the 'good life.' " I resisted until my assistant Pruscilla made the rare observation that my sabbatical from public service was "starving the right arm to feed the left." As usual, her statement took deciphering, but in the end I saw I could no longer forswear my raison d'être or withhold from the people that which they crave: a forum to discuss fashion and style.

Dear Pinky,
How do you dress sexy but not too sexy? I think I want to look slutty but not cheap. Any suggestions?
A Lonesome Gal

Dear Lonesome,

Dear Miss Shears,
I always thought I was happy until I heard that models are some of the happiest people on earth. I'm not even close to being a model. Am I still happy?
Jigglin' Joy

Dear Jigglin',
Your letter contains one of the greatest fallacies of modern living. You see, my child, models are not people. Models are objects: envied and adored by some, and mocked and scorned by others. Now, while they may be laughing all the way to the bank, I assure you that only people are capable of happiness. I, for one, feel happier already, and I'm sure you do too.

Confidential to SVDPQ
Feel free to keep shaving your head, but the rest sounds like drug-addled paranoia to me. May I suggest three new friends and an additional daytime hobby?

A Contest
Now I, Miss Pinky Shears, propose our first contest! Your assignment: In a cogent, concise and well-reasoned manner, briefly discuss the differences between fashion and style. Our winner's response will be published in this magazine. She or he will also receive a free subscription to San Francisco Metropolitan. So quickly, my little bees, set pen to paper.

Miss Pinky's Pointers
Need to duck out of the office on a warm sunny afternoon? Memo your immediate supervisor just prior to departing that you must see your therapist. Should this become a bone of contention and a confrontation ensue, simply announce loudly and decisively, "But I'm crazy!" Turn and depart promptly.

In need of fashion and style advice? Send all queries, comments and contest entries to Miss Pinky Shears at San Francisco Metropolitan, 1776A 18th St., SF, 94102. Miss Shears cannot be reached by phone.

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From the April 1998 issue of the Metropolitan.

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