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[whitespace] Miss Pinkie Shears

Miss Pinkie Shears

Dear Miss P.,
I am one of those folks who likes to live as much as possible in the nude. I guess I just wanted to get some advice on nude etiquette. Not so much interacting with other nudists but dealing with where the clothed world and my nude world meet. Like, is it OK to get the mail, do laundry and take out the trash in my apartment building? There are only three other units. I am also fortunate to work at home. Computers really do make a difference! And what about nude-beach etiquette? My nudity has been rather private (no pun intended) until now.
--Mr. D.

Dear Mr. D.,
I am delighted that you enjoy being in your natural state while at home, although I hear it means a bit more vacuuming. For the sake of your guests, remember that there is a reason why there is no "l" in pubic. I would refrain from strolling the halls of your apartment building in the altogether, unless you poll your fellow tenants about their feelings on your public nudity first. If you feel bold enough to roam naked through your halls, you should be bold enough to first ask your neighbors for their opinions. I bet I can guess what at least half of them will say. Perhaps you can spend a bit of the money you may have saved on clothing and buy a nice robe for your brief forays? From an unscientific view, I feel that most people will not be discomfited by your nudity as long as you are far enough away that clear eye contact is impossible. After all, who doesn't get a chuckle out of glimpsing someone in a third-story window on a nice sunny day?

A day at the nude beach can't help but remind one that people are really jiggly. Although nudism is frequently touted as a family activity, San Francisco's nude beaches have a distinctly adult orientation. Overt displaying of wares is rather crass. You don't need to hide it, but does it really need that much oil? Furthermore, the state of nudity should preclude accessories as well as socks and shoes. A final thought: Even if you have cute cheeks, no one really wants to see you "smiling."

In need of advice? Send all queries and comments to Miss Pinkie Shears at San Francisco Metropolitan, 1776A 18th St, San Francisco, 94107. Miss Shears cannot be reached by phone.

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From the May 10, 1999 issue of the Metropolitan.

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