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Fashion Advice

[whitespace] Miss Pinkie Shears

Miss Pinkie Shears

Dear Pinkie,
I'm an actor that you've probably heard of recently. My rising fame is well deserved and most welcome and the media have been very kind up till now. But I'm afraid as I grow more important they may find and use that which I most fear ... my high school yearbook senior page. I was a different person back then. Seriously, I've totally changed my medications, my face and my family. I'm afraid that when they find it I won't be given a chance to explain my side of the story, to let my public understand. So my question is should I break the story myself? The tremendous courage (I am after all an actor) needed to tell my secret (and a writer) might just outweigh the scandal itself. Even my agent and my publicist don't know about this. They would only be thinking about themselves and how it would all affect their careers. But I knew that you, like me, would only think about what was best for me.
--Racked on Robertson

Dear Miss Shears,
It's summer now and with that come bathing suits. I was wondering what your opinions about bikini lines were. Do you recommend waxing, shaving, chemical depilatories, going au natural or something European I have never heard of and can't afford?
--Beach Baby

Dear Racked and B.B.,
How rare it is that anyone should actually write to me an elegant, straightforward question on fashion. Thank you both for not being the exceptions, and helping to continue the focus of this column where it truly belongs--on vanity and pubic hair: the reason the world got dressed in the first place.

Beach Baby, although fashion magazines rarely have anything constructive to say they do tend to cover this particular subject quite completely. To ask my opinion, therefore, is to both place me in their company and highlight your poor research skills. However, despite my displeasure with you and although the "fashion rules" these magazines insist upon are by definition always inane, I will say that similarly to men with a mass of chest hair sprouting out from beneath a collar, women with a traditionally cut bathing suit do not look well with the natural look. It's a question of poorly intersecting lines. Your options are to wear something less traditional (why would one want to look like everyone else anyway?) or remove it. As for method; do a test patch of each and see what works best with your pain threshold and your wallet.

Racked, how sad for you that the past can't be so easily stripped away like so much unwanted pubic hair. Based solely on your letter I would have to recommend that you just shut up. I would heed this advice constantly.


In need of advice? Send all queries and comments to Miss Pinkie Shears at San Francisco Metropolitan, 1776A 18th St, San Francisco, 94107. Miss Shears cannot be reached by phone.

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From the July 5, 1999 issue of the Metropolitan.

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