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House of Cards

[whitespace] Rental Reading

By Mark Ewert

Right. so you're looking for a new roommate, or are perhaps seeking to move into a new space where people are already living. And let me just go way out on a limb here and assume that you don't want your new cohabitant(s) to be Satanists, junkies, pyromaniacs or just plain dreary whiners. (Am I psychic or what?) So once again, with a mixture of fear and hope you turn to your sagelike Uncle Mark to get the skinny on the Ultimate Meaning of Reality, in this case: subcategory--roommates. Well, it just so happens I pulled three cards for you that readily convert into simple questions you can use to suss out the good eggs from the bad. Ready?

Subject #1 (Based on Justice, pertaining to fairness and all things legal)

"Do you believe it is morally OK to go into my room and borrow, possibly even steal, things that belong to me? Have you ever been convicted of a felony? Do you consider it ethically wrong to send people mail-bombs, even if they've really, really, really hurt your feelings?"

Subject #2 (Based on the Seven of Swords, representing trickery, deviousness)

"In general, is lying a good thing or a bad thing? What if your mother had a deadly disease, and only by lying could you get her the medicine she so desperately needs, from some pharmacologist? What if she wasn't dying, she was just in excruciating pain, and by lying you could get her some morphine and codeine? What if your mother was in perfect health, and it was you who wanted the painkilling drugs? What if you wanted the drugs so bad that you skipped out of the apartment without paying rent so you could go on a three-week deranged and dangerous spree across America, totally dusted and high as a kite, and we never hear from you again?"

Subject #3 (Based on the World, symbolizing Heaven on Earth, Utopia)

"Do you think the universe is basically benevolent and supportive, or random, meaningless and violent? Are you a hippie? If this household were a commune, would you wash your own dishes and not leave the toilet seat up?"

All right, kids, have at it. May the best wo/man win .

Mark Ewert is a professional card reader and can be reached for readings at 415.252.9321. To submit topical questions, email [email protected]

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From the July 19, 1999 issue of the Metropolitan.

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