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Tara's Advice

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Tara's Afterlife Hotline

Dear Tara,
I've been thinking about killing myself a lot lately, but I'm kind of a wimp. I mean, my life really sucks and all, but what if I off myself and end up in Hell, wouldn't that be even worse? On the other hand, there are a lot of people out there in the world--and who am I to say they're wrong--who believe in reincarnation, but I can't decide if coming back as something or someone else would be a good thing or a bad thing. What do you think? I don't know--maybe I should just tough it out, instead of trying my hand at Afterlife Roulette. What do you think?
Sincerely, Should I stay or should I go?

Dear Should,
I have my own personal theory about what happens to us after death that I'm rather proud of. It involves banana-nut muffins, Courtney Love and teleconferencing, but I'd rather not say any more about it here, because yet another MAJOR publishing house in New York is about to bring it out in book form, along with some of my other works. Suffice to say, according to my little model, the consequences of suicide are very, very bad, so I don't recommend it.

So now we're just left with the simpler question of what have you got to live for? Maybe drawing up a list of things you like might help? How about cookies--do you like cookies? What about the warm smile of a friend? Or how about holding a fuzzy little ducky in your hand--do you like that? I think once you start listing them, you'll discover there are LOTS of things to love about life. Gosh, I know I'm starting to repeat my own columns here, but have you ever picked up a free course catalog from one of our city's many fine institutions of higher learning? I'm sure you'll agree just after looking at some of the many exciting classes offered that there is literally NO END to the variety of stimulation that is readily available in this crazy old world of ours. I'll meet you in "Literature Sec. 45A: Introduction to the Post-Colonial Novel" or "Photoshop for the Web"!
BFF, Tara

Can't get enough of Miss T? Well, check out her "Most Spiritual Show Ever," where you'll find new video adventures each week, and your video horoscope!

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From the August 16, 1999 issue of the Metropolitan.

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