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Dance Hall Destiny

By Mark Ewert

Djs and cutting-edge, sampling-type musicians. Do we ever once stop to think about the great debt we owe these individuals, these dedicated souls who move us with their phat block-rockin' beats, and make beautiful for us "the rhythm of the night"? No, we don't, and do you know why? Because we're selfish brats, that's why. There they are laboring away, in some cluttered little apartment somewhere, or isolated in their out-of-the-way DJ booth, tirelessly creating and combining raw sound so that we, the ignorant masses, can have just a little more joy in our lives. Well, I for one am no longer comfortable with this state of affairs. As the city's premier Tarot card reader I feel it is my duty, nay, my DESTINY, to redress in whatever way I can this dreadful imbalance. And so I humbly offer my psychic services to all of you out there, the music-makers. Star People, that's what you are. Dream-weavers, spell-binders, sonic youth--we love you, even if sometimes we're too afraid to let our true feelings show.

The Past: Two of Pentacles (change, juggling the old with the new)

Ohmagod, this card is so much like sampling it's not even funny! When one of you geniuses samples, do you not cross-fertilize the old with the new, in a loose, fluid way, to roll out something new and better? Well, similarly, in the last two or so years, you've been juggling around finances, equipment, living and recording spaces, gigs, career-shit, etc., in an effort to go with the flow and create a livable life for yourself that includes your art. It's been up and down, and the payoffs haven't been stunning. Instead of giving yourself mad props for your creative improvising, you've instead begun harshing on yourself, leading you to:

The Present: Five of Swords (competitiveness, fear of defeat)

And the record goes scccccrattch. Yo, stop comparing yourself to others. Get your eyes off MTV or someone else's career, and quit being so dog-eat-dog. You're not on a desert isle with only one source of food and water that someone else is hogging; you're in one of the most musically diverse areas in the whole world, open to influences North, South, East, and West. I'm sorry your parents didn't give you enough love when you were a child, but come on, let's get over it, my brothers and sisters.

The Future: The Fool (exuberance, the unfettered soul)

Your destiny is to ride the wind, to plunge naked into the BEAT, to entice unborn baby souls down to earth with your gifts. Get out there and screw around. Stop holding back, and for God's sake, screw being cool. Slickness is just going to keep you on the defeat-treadmill. Unzip, you mad Orpheuses, and phly! .

Special shout-outs to Soulstice, and to Greg Cruikshank.

Mark Ewert is a professional card reader and can be reached for readings at 415.252.9321. To submit topical questions, email [email protected]

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From the August 30, 1999, 1999 issue of the Metropolitan.

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