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Fashion Advice

[whitespace] Miss Pinkie Shears

Miss Pinkie Shears

Dear Pinkie Shears,
I know that fashion rules are always changing, but is there anything that one should never do, no matter what?
--Sincerely, Kitty, San Francisco

Dear Kitty,
Labor Day is now behind us, and with that comes one of the "time-honored" rules of fashion: No white shoes blah, blah, blah. The rise of the sneaker from childhood's blacktop to the Paris runway and everywhere in between has permanently destroyed that tenet of style. But fashion rules are made and remade by those who have the time and money to consider them and the influence to enforce them. Nevertheless, I find myself more and more aghast at the fashion and style choices that the wealthy make when left alone with no proper adult supervision. When one has money to burn, it is all the more offensive when one can't dress oneself. For example, the well-to-do of the etiquette set seem, at times, to be as tacky as they are tanned. So please, never, no matter what, follow their example in these areas:

  1. No matter how much you may have paid for it, never wear a crewneck sweatshirt with pearls. It is not classic and/or sporty--it is tasteless, doubly so if the offending item is embroidered with the name of an exclusive resort or island.

  2. Wearing sheer peds, like the loaners one uses at a store when trying on shoes, is extreme silliness under any circumstance. For those who believe this ruse actually creates the illusion of bare legs and feet, please also try wearing a camouflage print to a garden party for its wonderfully slimming effect. What minuscule difference they supposedly might make in the sanitary or olfactory sphere is far outweighed by their completely offensive aesthetic, since they inevitably creep past the top line of a shoe to expose their buff nylon casing, dooming even the loveliest Prada pump to the level of the orthopedic wedges of the nursing-home set.

  3. What exactly is that shade of blonde called anyway? Nantucket Beach? Vineyard Vixen? Sandy Bluff? Hampton Honey? Ravaged by the Dunes?

Ultimately, Kitty, there are no hard-and-fast rules for fashion anymore. Only mistakes. Many, many mistakes.

In need of advice? Send all queries and comments to Miss Pinkie Shears at San Francisco Metropolitan, 1776A 18th St, San Francisco, CA 94107. Miss Shears cannot be reached by phone.

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From the September 21-October 4, 1998 issue of the Metropolitan.

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