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[whitespace] Pantyhose Down Under and Over

Bodyhose for the 'bird' in you

By Katy Bell

The Aussies are hawking bodyhose! And alas, I seem to be blind to the charms of these stretchy tubes, sleek and form-fitting, that allow quick and daring day-to-night fashion statements in the blink of an eye. Hippie bodyhose are the newest things hitting American and European department stores alike, straight from Queensland, Australia.

In a small box, you--the wearer--receive three separate like-colored pieces of see-through nylon fabric. One is narrow, less than a foot wide, the next a few feet and the third is quite long. The wearer obtains a box, then meditates on a vision of him or herself twisted into this fabric and voila!--a beautiful ensemble that is tight, coordinated and hip. According to the literature, the potential of these bodyhose tubes is only limited by the wearer's imagination. Oh, my.

The kits come in black, brown, nude, white and gray. It doesn't wrinkle, it dries quickly, it's a dress, a skirt, a strapless bra, a top, a slip and more. It seems one might never need a change of clothes! Ideal for travel. A visit to www.hippies.com assures that the possibilities are endless. Bodyhose tubes are the wave of the future.

So I'm thinking how great this could really be, how the wearers of San Francisco might make their personal mark on this international craze. Marketing hype locally might include a 'Find Your Buddy' campaign in which citizens are encouraged to invite friends old and new into their bodyhose, to buddy-up for a unique and duel fashion statement. Hippies might also do well at funeral homes, as bodyhose seem shroud-perfect chic in black.

We could get Hippies to donate two thousand boxes of nude bodyhose to be distributed to the homeless of San Francisco. Think how streamlined their lives would become. No more confusion about what to wear, no more lugging around all their suitcases and carts. Just that neat small box and three garments that rinse easily in any public restroom. The nude coloration would allow them to perfectly blend into the woodwork, so to speak.

And as these bodyhose looks demand accessories, it would be necessary to mount a sister campaign to gather appropriate touches to complete the overall look. Hats, scarves, bracelets and necklaces in neutral tones with no sharp pieces could be collected, but no pins. Come on, let's master the possibilities.

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From the October 25, 1999 issue of the Metropolitan.

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