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Tara's Advice

Dr. Yes

Dear Tara,
I know this is right up there with the most cliched problems of all time, but hey, cliches exist for a reason. I'm completely ga-ga over my psychoanalyst, Dr. ______. I'm now seeing him three times a week (at a hundred bucks a pop!) just so I can be with him more. His voice is so deep and all-knowing, it gives me, um ... thrills. And on top of that, I think he likes me too! He'll often lick his lips when I talk about some of my more ... racy adventures. So anyway, my question is, is it wrong for me to sleep with my therapist? My friends all say "Yes!" but Dr. _______ has many times suggested that my friends are "emotionally toxic." So what do you say, girl?
Sincerely, Sometimes a cigar isn't just a cigar, right?

Dear Sometimes,
Since time immemorial, humans have erected boundaries, or "taboos," around who it is or is not OK to shtup. But times change, right? Imagine, for instance, if we tried to re-adopt the Victorian standard that no woman should ever expose so much as her ankle! A lot of girls who wear bathing suits, or even "short shorts," would be in an uproar!

Doing a little research I discovered that the taboo against patient/therapist relations dates back to--you guessed it--Sigmund Freud, the father of psychoanalysis. When Freud was young, everyone laughed at his theories, and the years flew by before he finally had any credibility, or patients. And by this time, he was so old and ugly that no patient in their right mind would dream of sleeping with him; thus, being the jealous and vindictive tyrant that he was, Freud decided, "Vell, if I can't schtup them, NO ONE can." And so, through the decades, therapists-to-be are taught that they must never ever EVER sleep with their patients, and the world is that much the poorer. And all because of one vain, petty, little man's hurt feelings...

So bonk away with a clean conscience! Toss out that ol' "hands off Dr. _______" rule like the empty superstition that it is. For his part, he certainly sounds ready and willing, but if on the off chance you've misread his signals, one morning demonstrate your thoughtfulness by bringing him a freshly baked croissant, and a mochaccino full of Rohypinol. Make sure the video camera is ready!
I do what I can, Tara

Can't get enough of Miss T? Well, check out her "Most Spiritual Show Ever," where you'll find new video adventures each week, and your video horoscope!

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From the October 25, 1999 issue of the Metropolitan.

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