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Tara's Advice

Hot for Coffeehouse Art Dear Tara! Help! I've got a problem, a big problem. You see, I am "erotically fixated" on coffeehouse art--it gives me a big boner! And the worse the art is, the more I drool. If I go into a java joint and see a painting of a tortured head in neon colors, I go nuts. If I see tragic shots of the photographer's punky friends looking bitter and smug in urban settings, I have to immediately go into the bathroom to "relieve" myself. And don't even get me started on found-art assemblages! Tara, what can I do? My fetish is growing with intensity, and every street of this city has a coffeehouse packed to the rafters with somebody's self-expression. It's only a matter of time before my lust explodes. I'm afraid that I'm going to hurt someone! Signed, Can I See Your Etchings? Dear Can, You're a mess. Longtime readers of this column know that I generally tell people to turn their defects into assets, but in your case your basic psychology is so deeply flawed, I just can't get involved. I mean, sometimes we drive by a terrible car wreck and one look at the bodies and blood tells us, "Keep driving, it's too late for help." Generally, I believe in a loving Creator, a power that doesn't give us hardships for no reason, but I think you should explore the possibility that someone malevolent made you. Better luck next time, Tara Can't get enough of Miss T? Well, check out her "Most Spiritual Show Ever," where you'll find new video adventures each week, and your video horoscope! [ San Francisco | MetroActive Central | Archives ]