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High on Life

[whitespace] Akima
Robert Scheer

Glass Act: Dedicated scientists at Baugh, Hausen and Troeling Pharmaceutical Research Center have been working overtime conducting exhaustive and rigorous chemical tests on Akima; so far, the drug has proven to be a toxic-free way to alter consciousness and induce lucid dreaming.

Is Akima the miracle drug of the 21st century? New reseach reveals that a Brazilian herb has the power to elevate users to new heights--without side effects

By Barry Friedman

THE ARTICLE YOU ARE now reading is a special one; indeed the most unusual ever to appear in any publication. A section of this story has been coated with an odorless, tasteless drug. Its name is Akima (Yobumji for "Life") and when consumed makes the user feel like he or she is 10,000 feet tall.

Akima is found but one place in the world: a remote and sparsely inhabited area of the vast Brazilian rain forest known as Marapampa district. There are no roads here; no ramshackle towns slashed out of the jungle; no laws--some might even say no God.

For the few native people, it is still the Stone Age, and they invoke the names of ancient spirits to protect themselves from the fearsome demons they are convinced lurk unseen on Earth. Their sacrament is Akima (ah-key-mah), which literally translates to "Cloudseeker."

Produced from the leaves of a very rare plant that grows only in tiny clusters in this savage land, the natives believe that the illusion of tremendous height created by the drug allows them to tower above the trees out of the reach of their enemies.

Dyed Akima
Robert Scheer

Drop Zone: Lab workers often dye Akima distillates for easier identification, but the sample impregnated in the paper in the circle at the right is in its natural colorless state.

South to the Marapampa District

THE DRUG WAS FIRST mentioned in a Newsweek article that appeared almost 20 years ago. An international team of archaeologists had penetrated the previously unexplored area to search for what aerial photographs suggested might possibly be a highly unusual and complex network of manmade canals.

Although the "canals" proved merely to be deep natural gashes created by endless rain and erosion, the party was successful in making contact with the nomadic Yobumji and compiled the first reports on their culture and the potent drug they have used since the dawn of time.

Eighteen years passed, and despite many inquiries and voracious reading, I encountered no further reference to the drug. The break came two years ago. A friend of a friend of a friend was joining a Brazilian surveying team in a supervisory capacity. Calls were made, a dialogue established. Yes, he would be going to the Marapampa district.

I told him the little I knew about Akima. He was equally intrigued and vowed to obtain a quantity if at all possible. Somehow he did just that and, by means I have pledged not to reveal, delivered it into my hands.

Taste Test

I AM NOW DELIVERING it into yours. Each and every copy of this publication has a small area of newsprint that has been coated with the recommended liquid dosage of Akima, thanks to the untiring efforts of my colleagues: Ryan Matthews, Joel Burstein, Aaron Jacob and Rudy Adler. There is no doubt in any of our minds that Akima is a miracle drug that makes such hallucinogens as LSD-25 seem like nothing more than mad scientific quackery.

Akima is most certainly a drug--and I do not advocate the assimilation of any narcotic without a thorough understanding of the possible consequences. It is with this in mind that Metro Santa Cruz commissioned a full-scale analysis of Akima by the world's most prestigious pharmaceutical research laboratory, Greenchem of Scotts Valley.

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The Akima Report

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I urge you to examine scrupulously the companion lab report published in conjunction with this article and carefully weigh its conclusions. We are completely satisfied. Our personal experience is that Akima produces an overwhelming feeling of serene bliss triggered by a profound sense of unparalleled height.

There are no addictive properties, no negative aftereffects. The drug is simply too new to legislate, and at this time, it is highly unlikely that the FDA is even aware of its existence.

Which brings us inexorably to you. Is Akima for you? It is a decision that you and you alone must make now. The drug rapidly loses its potency when exposed to air and will totally dissipate within one, possibly two days following publication.

If your decision is positive, carefully cut out the blank circular area on the previous page, crumple it into a compact ball, and let it dissolve into your mouth for a period of time not fewer than three minutes. It is not at all necessary to actually chew the paper; the Akima will be quickly absorbed into the bloodstream by osmosis through the soft tissue walls of the palate.

The choice is yours.

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From the April 1-7, 1998 issue of Metro Santa Cruz.

Copyright © Metro Publishing Inc. Maintained by Boulevards New Media.


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