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Summer Flop: Sorry, but we refuse to set up some kind of bizarre dating scheme with our reporters. However, Tim from classifieds says you can give him a call if you feel like it.

Nüz

Frat Fry

By now just about everyone in town knows that Friday the 13th was the day UCSC banned Delta Omega Chi from campus, after two DOC members reportedly fried and fed a koi called Midas to the pledges. But some suspect that what may have pushed UCSC administrators over the edge is a hitherto unreported act of what one observer called "vigilante justice" involving Porter College students, a blow-up male sex doll, and human hair dumpster-dived from a downtown barbershop.

UCSC spokesperson Jim Burns confirmed that campus police were called to the scene of a possible drowning June 11, only to find said sex doll, which was inflated and dressed in a DOC jacket, as it floated face down in the Porter Pond while holding a rake (which of course is the weapon the frat boys used to hook their catch).

"The doll had been filled with water so as to float just below the surface of the pond, arms outstretched, with the head hanging low and the glued-on hair drifting in the slow currents," says a Nüz tipster, who urged us to keep the hair salon's identity a secret.

"I imagine the patrons of this establishment might not wish to know that their hair possibly adorned a frat boy, even if only in effigy," he explained.

But said informer was less, er, coy with details of the porn shop proprietor, whom he describes as being "surrounded by such jewels as virgin blow-up dolls with replaceable hymens and blood capsules,

custom fail-safe nooses, and butt plugs the size of eggplants," and "at first nonplussed and then disturbed when the size of the various possible male dolls was raised."

"I mean, what do you need, guy," he is said to have said. "My girlfriend is only 5-foot-1-inch," and that's good enough for me."

As to whether the frat boy effigy laid the ghost of Midas to rest, our tipster had this to say. "Give a man a fish, he eats for a day; teach the wrong man to fish at UCSC, and he might just sleep with the fishies."

Who Wants to Marry a GT Editor?

Is it just Nüz who finds it bizarre--not to mention in rather bad taste--that Good Times appears to be offering up its female editors as part of its Summer Fling dating game?

"Are you man enough to give it a try?" teases the GT ad, which, as far as we can tell, uses photos of two female staffers as the dating-game bait. The ad describes them as "two brave single women of sound mind," but identifies them only by the (absolutely terrible) pseudonyms "Lana" and "Dawn."

Call us a killjoy, but it seems to Nüz that tthe whole thing is playing cavalier with hearts that can be broken by not being honest about their IDs. But we're sure they wouldn't stoop so low as to be setting up unwitting entrants for a future story about the whole experience. So don't worry about that. This is all clearly on the up-and-up!

Savaged Boycott

Local residents Thomas and Gunila Leavitt are responsible for a string of websites, including www.buyfrenchnow.com, but it's their year old www.savagestupidity.com, which lampoons far-right radio host Michael Savage, that's getting them sued.

The Leavitts face a $500,000 suit launched by Talk Radio Network, the distributor of Savage's nationally syndicated program, alleging that they and the operators of other Savage-tracking websites made "false defamatory" statements, which purportedly caused Culligan International Co., an Illinois-based water delivery corporation, to cancel a $100,000 contract. (Also in dispute is the domain name, which TRN says is too similar to Savage's.)

"This is only website that's precipitated a lawsuit. Getting sued is not my goal in life," says Thomas Leavitt, who ran for City Council last year and claims to be "pretty media savvy."

"I'm always careful to document everything, label things as parodies, and keep fair use as short and succinct as possible," says Leavitt, who got on Savage's case after hearing what he describes as "this lunatic on the radio, whose stuff was so out there, so over the top."

As for being sued, Leavitt says, "Don't these people ever learn that the stupidest thing to do is sue your critics, because of all the publicity it brings? But there's also a lot of money at stake, and I was lucky to get Public Citizen to take on my case."

Public Citizen is a nonprofit public-interest law firm that believes that urging people to boycott companies is a "core First Amendment right."

Leavitt says that on a recent radio broadcast, Savage described the defendants as "stinking rats who hide in the sewers" and "the neo-Nazis of our time."

"You think you can go after my income?" Savage reportedly said. "You think you can kill my advertisers? You think I'm Dr. Laura?"

Comedy of Errors

"They say this town is full of cozenage/ As, nimble jugglers that deceive the eye/ Dark-working sorcerers that change the mind/ Soul-killing witches that deform the body/ Disguised cheaters, prating mountebanks/ And many such-like liberties of sin."

So said Antipholius in William Shakespeare's Comedy of Errors. He was of course speaking of the city of Ephesus, but Shakespeare Santa Cruz's decision to use Santa Cruz as stand-in for Ephesus in its upcoming production of the comedy seems prophetic given the cozenage that's currently going on at City Hall over the infamous hackeysack ordinance.

Shortly after a clown's juggling performance was interrupted downtown (Nüz, June 18), a tape of a July 24, 2002, City Council meeting surfaced in which then Mayor Chris Krohn asks City Attorney John Barisone, "Would these ordinances outlaw juggling on Pacific Avenue," to which Barisone, who recently told Nüz that if juggling was allowed the hackeysackers would complain, replies, "No." Stay tuned to find out if juggling pins will by flying on Pacific Avenue anytime soon.

Raving Mad

Don't say we didn't warn you--namely in our cover story last summer--but the RAVE Act has landed. Apparently, the DEA used said act to shut down a May 30 benefit for two Montana groups that advocate Mary Jane legalization, proving fears that the law would be used to silence opponents of the drug war.

Apparently, the benefit for the Montana chapter of the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws (NORML) and Students for Sensible Drug Policy was called off after a local DEA agent threatened the venue manager with a $250,000 fine if anyone so much as smoked a doobie.

Authored by Sen. Joe Biden (D-Del.) and passed in May as an amendment to the otherwise popular Amber Alert bill, the act was supposed to target ecstasy-friendly raves, but this latest move has Bill Piper of the Drug Policy Alliance ranting, "This isn't about drug parties or raves, it's about having a club to hold over people's heads, whether it's hemp festivals, circuit parties, dances, whatever. The RAVE Act is being used to suppress political speech. This is exactly what Sen. Biden said would not happen, and now it is."


Nüz just loves juicy tips: Drop a line to 115 Cooper St, Santa Cruz, 95060, email us at , or call our hotline at 457.9000, ext 214.

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From the June 25-July 2, 2003 issue of Metro Santa Cruz.

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