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Baroscope #1

[whitespace] Laura Dawn

Our traveling astrologer meets with a honky-tonk woman

By Traci Hukill

I CAUGHT UP WITH THE indefatigable and newly single Laura Dawn while she was draining the last of her light beer in the fading dusk of a cocktail bar known for crowds of yuppie men. A blue-eyed blonde with a direct gaze and a tendency to swing her sandaled foot in a not completely disconcerting way, she barely batted an eyelash when I told her about a new astrological system developed by the starry-eyed experts at Metro. What's more, she said she wouldn't mind having a brave new reading done. So I flipped open the trusty American Ephemeris and went to work.

Ms. Dawn's honest appraisal of the Baroscope's accuracy was, well, quite refreshing. When confronted with the notion that in our schematic, her Jupiter in Cancer suggested the strong possibility that she was susceptible to having religious experiences in pubs, she shrugged.

"No epiphanies" was her reply. I swallowed hard and continued with the reading. Queried as to whether she found her intellect inspired in any way while dancing, as her Mercury in Pisces suggested, she thought a moment, then stated her opinion. "Yeah, I like dance clubs," she mused. "I have a lot of energy and it's a great outlet. I think dancing is a form of expression."

Then came a touchy moment, the moment I had to tell Ms. Dawn that, try to fight it though she might, her fate was written in the stars: she would find her best love prospects in a country & western bar. Her Venus in Taurus proved it beyond a doubt. But the glamorous lady herself, I feared, had no interest in two-stepping tête-a-têtes. What would become of her love prospects, so lately scattered on Fortune's breeze?

She took the blow well, to say the least.

"It's true," she said firmly. "I fell in love with this one guy at the Saddle Rack, and I still fantasize about him. I would have cheated on my boyfriend, but I was with my friend, and I knew she was the type who would have hopped into bed with my boyfriend if she'd seen me cheating, even though I owed him one because he'd cheated on me. He was tall, dark and handsome, attentive. I can't remember his name. He had a big cowboy belt buckle. I think he was wearing boots."

A moment of silence fell around us. Then Ms. Dawn revealed the wisdom that has kept smart women away from bars for decades.

"Of course, I think relationships that start in bars don't end well."

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From the June 17-23, 1999 issue of Metro, Silicon Valley's Weekly Newspaper.

Copyright © 1999 Metro Publishing Inc. Metroactive is affiliated with the Boulevards Network.

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