[Best of the Santa Clara Valley 1998

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Wiseacre Acre

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Every year they surface in the Reader's Survey: the kids who gave the teacher hell, who grew up to become hecklers in comedy clubs and talk back to cops when they get pulled over. Or maybe they're novice smart-alecks, chirping up with a tentative third-finger salute to authority from the safety of a write-in response. Anyway, whoever they are and however long they've been mouthing off, we love 'em come ballot-counting time. They break up the fearsome monotony of making hashmarks on tally sheets and give the Metro worker bees something to buzz about during those long hours. Here are a few of the more colorful responses that flooded our mailbox this year.

Best Place to Disco:
In the privacy of your own home

Best Place to Meet Someone:
I wouldn't know. Chicks hate me.

Best Lesbian Bar:
SJSU volleyball party

Best Place to Take Adults for Free:
Bed

Best Adrenaline Rush:
First place: Masturbating in church
Second place: Willow Glen Yoga

Best Toy Store:
First Place: Leathermasters
Second place: Ferrari of Los Gatos

Best New Book Store:
Books, huh?

Best Place to Impress a Visitor:
Pink Poodle

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From the September 17-23, 1998 issue of Metro.

Copyright © Metro Publishing Inc. Maintained by Boulevards New Media.



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