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Beat Street
By Todd S. Inoue

Seasonal Treats:
Reasons to be cheerful

SACRAMENTO'S Cake will go the distance at Stanford University's Dinkelspiel Auditorium on Jan. 29. Tickets go on sale soon. ... The Los Gatos Teen Center is up doing shows again as long as people respect the no alcohol/drugs/lunacy rules. On Friday (Dec. 20), Red #9, Hairy Italians, the Ron Bauer Experience and two other bands will perform at 7pm for $5. LGTC is located behind Los Gatos High on New York Street. ... 10Bass T will perform a month-long residency at the Elbo Room in San Francisco. The first show is Jan. 4 and each consecutive Wednesday night through the month. The San Jose hip-hop tribe is busy lining up guest emcees and DJs to share the spotlight. Among the names dropped: Saafir, Hobo Junction, Peanut Butter Wolf, Quantum Flux, Mystik Journeymen, Julius Papp, Homeless Derelix and Lyrics Born.

If I Ruled the World ...

Bands wouldn't paste their fliers over other band's fliers.

The Diesel Queens would re-form for one show.

People wouldn't say "all country sucks" or "anyone can rap."

Big radio stations would throw a local band on their year-end Christmas shows.

I'd see Bud E. Luv at Garden City or Bay 101.

Bands would be guaranteed a bonus if a shifty promoter uses the excuse "I didn't promote the show because I didn't want too many people to show up."

"Battle of the Bands" would be replaced by "B-Ball of the Bands."

Punk and hip-hop clubs would be all-ages.

A punk or hip-hop club would open in the South Bay.

So-called "moshers" and "crowd surfers" would be confined to a wrestling ring constructed at the back of the venue.

I'd watch professional sports without hearing "Rock & Roll Part II" or "Whoomp! There it is."

People wouldn't request "Freebird" between songs.

I'd never hear, "can I have more vocals/bass/guitar/drums/conga in the monitors?"

The SoFA Street Fair would be stress-free.

Taco Bravo would be open 24 hours.

M.I.R.V. would play industrial music, the Motels would record "Destination Unknown."

City Revolt and the Booty Crack would be full-color glossy and BAM wouldn't.

Local bands would cover each other's songs.

I'd see Tom Jones and Moby at the Flint Center.

An all-ages club like Olympia's Capitol Theater would open at the Fox Theater.

Track Star would play the South Bay again.

Brad Kava would rip Howard Stern a new one instead of the other way around.

Bands would own their master tapes.

Bands would read the fine print on contracts.

Bands wouldn't complain to me about not owning their masters and not reading the fine print.

Reunion tours would cease, except for EPMD and the Jam.

Bookers wouldn't be "scared" of hip-hop audiences.

DJ Shadow and the Invisible Scratch Pickles would share a gig with San Jose Taiko.

Fans wouldn't throw ice as a form of respect.

The Odd Numbers would play on a bill with Salmon.

Rap cynics could see the Mystik Journeymen live.

All honest, independent concert promoters would get their deposits back.

Jawbreaker fans would really listen to Dear You instead of dismissing it as MTV pablum.

Metallica would play a two-hour show instead of a half-hour at the Tower Records parking lot.

KISS and the Sex Pistols wouldn't play on the exact same day.

Inka Inka would get a huge record deal instead of breaking up.

Ditto Cafe of Regret.

Waves in Los Gatos would reopen as an underground hip-hop club.

Everyone would read Bomb the Suburbs by William "Upski" Wimsatt.

Country Dick Montana and 2Pac would be alive.

imagine that.

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From the December 19-25, 1996 issue of Metro

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