Noodle of the Gods
By Jarrad Barone
What's made out of spaghetti and meatballs and created the universe? According to Pastafarians, it's their deity, the Flying Spaghetti Monster. This religion was brought into the public eye in late 2005 when the Kansas State Board of Education ruled that "intelligent design" must be taught in public schools right alongside good old evolution. In response, 25-year-old physics graduate Bobby Henderson demanded that his "religion," Pastafarianism, be taught, too.
Pasta-obsessed piratic parishioners have been proselytizing over the Internet ever since. Commonly greeting each other with pirate phrases like "Yarrr" and "Avast," Pastafarians worship only the FSM, but hold their pirate brethren in the highest regard. Pastafarians also believe in a heaven of sorts, a magical land filled with beer volcanoes and, of course, a stripper factory. What makes it even better is that everyone gets into heaven no matter his or her religious denomination.
Alas, Pastafarianism is not all fun and games. Devotees have real ambitions. Henderson is funneling all proceeds from his book, The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, into the purchase of an evangelical pirate ship that he and his fellow worshippers will use to spread the word of RAmen.
The wealth of scientific evidence and ancient artifacts proving the existence of the FSM is hard to ignore. Pastafarians have an online archive with pictures of items such as a 3,500-year-old Cretan vase clearly depicting the FSM, extensive noodly cloud formations, microscopic spaghetti-like bacteria and a ton of other information, all of which points to the certain existence of His Noodliness.
Pastafarians have also contacted several dozen doctors who have all conducted their own private experiments; hard science and research have come to the conclusion that the FSM is real, and just might have a noodly appendage in absolutely everything we do.
With its eventual tax-exempt status and growing team of scientists and industry professionals as well as the energy of millions of Internet worshippers, one thing is for sure: You'll never look at pasta the same way again. Go to church at www.venganza.org.
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