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May 24-30, 2006

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Ciccone Youth: Madonna's 9-year-old offspring probably clears her Download History cache before logging off.

Madonna Is My Mom

Lourdes 'Lola' Ciccone's top-secret blog revealed!

Transcribed by Sara Bir

Aug. 16, 2005
Mom fell off her horse today. It was really scary. A helicopter flew her to the hospital and everything. She's hurt badly :(, but the doctors say she'll be OK. :). She broke a bunch of bones and will need to rest a while. It's her birthday today, and now she's in a really bad mood. Guess I can forget about that pony now :(((.

Sept. 12, 2005
Mom has been on the sofa for weeks, healing her bones. Guy is at mixed martial arts (MMA) with Rocco and the nanny, so it's just me and Mom. She's driving me crazy because she can't do her yoga. To help her feel better I asked if she'd like me to read her a book, and she said, "What about The English Roses?" I told her I meant good books. She laughed. ;-p

Oct. 22, 2005
Guy found me posting on MySpace, and he and Mom took away my laptop. I told Mom and Film Hack it was OK for me to be on MySpace because I opened my account as "Jennifer" and I was pretending to be 116 and from Iowa. Mom said it didn't make any difference, and why would I want to pretend my name was Jennifer when Lola was such a pretty name? She doesn't get it. Gotta go, time for my facial.

Oct. 23, 2005
I got my laptop back because Mom wanted to download some songs on her iPod, and she couldn't figure out how. She asked me to help, and I said, "I'm not allowed to use the computer, remember?" But she was supposed to meet her trainer in half an hour, and she wanted to listen to some remixes of her songs while she was working out. I can't believe Mom listens to her own songs at the gym! LOL! :-0

Dec. 15, 2005
Tomorrow is parent-teacher night at the Lycee. I asked Mom if she would stay home so just Film Scrub would go, but she said no. So then I asked her not to dress like such a dork, because I don't want my teachers acting weird around her. Sometimes I wish there was a school just for kids like me whose parents are celebrities. That way I wouldn't be a freak. Mom would not be famous at all if the whole world had to live with her every day like I do and get to see what a nerd she is. But she said we could pick out her parent-teacher outfit together, which was nice.

Feb. 2, 2006
Tonight, the whole family had a little "movie screening" for Mom's new video. We ate popcorn and everything. I told Mom her video would have been better with more roller skating. The way she moves her hips so close to the bodybuilder guy in the video was gross, but she said, "Lola, that's how you can afford Versace dresses." Whatever. She wouldn't say that if she knew how much Mercedes and Chloe teased me during ballet class about my Mom dressing all hoochie.

March 11, 2006
Mom's rehearsing for her tour this weekend, and Hack is trying to work. It's just me, Rocco and the nanny. Mom doesn't allow TV, and Nanny said that if we promised not to tell anyone we could all go down and watch the telly at her cottage, so we did. Now I know why Mom does not want me and Rocco to watch TV—we watched part of Shanghai Surprise, and it was terrible!

April 1, 2006
Rocco and I got to design handbags to get auctioned off for charity. Mine had red kisses all over it and was beautiful! :)

Rocco said it was "girly." :-P Rocco's handbag looked like a retarded version of Thomas the Tank Engine with some kind of dinosaur stuck on top. I said only babies were into Thomas—duh! Rocco cried and then changed his handbag design to drawings of animals. I bet my handbag will make more than his.

April 6, 2006
Since I can't watch TV, I read a lot of books. I'm really into Judy Blume right now. Mom said I can't read Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret until I'm 10, but when I told her that I'd found out from Mercedes and Chloe what "Boy Toy" really means, she changed her mind. I read it in two days and I didn't have a new book around, so I picked up Mom's New Yorker magazine and flipped through it. There was a long article about Sean Penn. He could have been my dad! He sounds even weirder than Mom.

April 30, 2006
We're at the Coachella festival. It's super hot, and there are smelly, sweaty people all over the place. I have no idea why Mom wanted to do a show here so badly. The Black Eyed Peas aren't even playing. She looked beautiful in her new tour costumes, but I was so embarrassed when she was up onstage, and she started swearing and stuff. "Do you want to see my bum?" she shouted, but she didn't say bum. She said a word I'd get in trouble if I used. The crowd went crazy. Yuck! Who wants to see Mom's butt? :-p

May 7, 2006
This morning we were having breakfast, and Mom spit out her latte when she read this article in the paper about her tour being set to break records for a female performer. She slapped the table and said, "Connie Francis, you are going down!" Is Connie Francis in the Pussycat Dolls?

May 8, 2006
I read in the paper that in a TV interview Mom said she thinks she's "a rubbish mum." I think it's kind of silly how she tries to talk weird when she's from Detroit. But I felt sad for her, and I said, "Mom, I know you do your best," and then she gave me a big hug. It's pretty cool that she takes me and Rocco on tour with her. I know they don't say so, but Mercedes and Chloe are soo jealous. Oops, more MySpace friend requests. TTYL.

Madonna plays HP Pavilion on May 30-31. Tickets are expensive and available through Ticketmaster.

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